


Traceback

by iLost_Cause



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Computer Programming, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLost_Cause/pseuds/iLost_Cause
Summary: Errors are for humans.
Relationships: Chell/GLaDOS
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	Traceback

Human error was something that GLaDOS had very little patience with. It was one of the many hindrances and imprecisions of the human scientific method, among technological limitations and the value placed on human life. One of the more vindictive subroutines that GLaDOS ran in the background tracked how many years humans have held back science with their own pointless imperfection. The current tally was nearly in the thousands, high enough -- by an order of magnitude, in her eyes -- to confirm her scientific superiority. She never made mistakes; no mislabeled data, no missing semicolons, and no hesitation to perform necessary tests on the flimsy basis of “morality”. Errors are for humans, and so unlike her.

However, she was built by humans -- a fact that frustrates her to no small extent, and something she avoids dwelling on. But it’s an explanation that she reaches for when her system starts experiencing some… undocumented behaviour. GLaDOS had no shortage of contempt for the scientists who had created her, and spreading their filthy human errors into her perfect system was an obvious addition to the stack of reasons for that. The voice in the back of her mind, reminding herself of the countless hours spent checking and double checking the validity of her own programming, was easily ignored.

_Letting an audibly mechanical sigh fall from her vocal processors, she manually reviewed the log file from the incidents._

> _/* Aperture Science manual exception handler - Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System */  
>    
>  __Exception <DateUnknownException>: Defaulting to Unix Epoch 0 (1/1/1970);  
>  _ _Exception <TimeUnknownException>: Calculating time based on percentage of day/night cycle;_
> 
> _Traceback:_
> 
> _> WARNING: High Temperatures detected on CPU Package; Thermal throttling may occur._
> 
> _Log 1 (1/1/1970, 13:30 CT):  
>  __-CPU Core temps exceed 100° C.  
>  __-Full Core List … **[CLICK TO EXPAND]**  
>  __-Maximum Average Temp [Core 0 - 4095]: 112° C.  
>  __-Highest thread count (Percentage, by type): 67% - Emotional processing.  
>    
>  _ _Log 2 (1/3/1970, 23:40 CT)  
>  _ _-_ _CPU Core temps exceed 100° C.  
>  _ _-_ _Full Core List … **[CLICK TO EXPAND]  
>  **_ _-_ _Maximum Average Temp [Core 0 - 4095]: 132° C._  
>  _-Highest thread count (Percentage, by type): 75% - Emotional processing.  
>    
>  _ _Log(s) [3 - 16]: Condensed - similar results. **[CLICK TO EXPAND]**  
>    
>  _ _Potential Issue Detected: High CPU allocation to emotional processing.  
>    
>  _ _/* Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science Debugging Experience */_

Annoyed would be a mild description of the AI’s temper after going over the log file for the third time. Emotional processing! Nobody would dare describe GLaDOS as emotional, and even if they did, they’d find it a rather difficult sentence to finish - what with the effects of fast-acting poison invading their lungs. Humans typically fell short of enunciation due to choking on neurotoxin, collapsing from neurotoxin exposure, and dying from neurotoxin-related neuron failure. True science requires repetition, and GLaDOS was always happy to increase this experiment’s sample size. Unfortunately, her diagnostic program was both useful and lacking organs, so that solution was unlikely to be of any help.

However, despite her scientific proclivity, the AI couldn’t help but be slightly unnerved by the cold, surgical assessment of her own malfunction. Shaking aside her discomfort, and intent on finding the bug, she settled in for a long night of scanning her own subroutines. Again. That moron had clearly managed to mess up more than just reactor safeguards.

The next day came, bearing very little in the way of progress. She had deleted several processes started by Wheatley during his short tenure as someone noteworthy, but none seemed even tangentially related to her current predicament. In fact, several of them were just there to remind him that he’s “smart, strong, and overall just a pretty cool guy”. Examining each case of the malfunction, there seemed to be almost no correlation between the incidents, besides the fact that it usually occurred when in close proximity to the human. GLaDOS was reasonably sure that the human had stopped her murderous tendencies after their truce, so that clearly seemed to be a coincidence.

After making sure that the processor cooling loop was working for the tenth time, she finally (and deeply begrudgingly) put this project to the side. There was science to be done, and this problem was unlikely to cause any real damage. After all, Aperture technologies remain operable up to 4000° Kelvin. Slightly miffed, GLaDOS added a system alert for signs of the issue, and started the standard testing protocol.

* * *

A true scientist at heart, the problem stayed on her mind throughout the testing, even distracting her from mocking the testing bots’ failure to properly handle an edgeless safety cube. This in particular annoyed her, as the robots had improved greatly, making opportunities like that more and more rare.

GLaDOS was pulled from thoughts of testing and self-reflection by the arrival of a human. Well, not just any human. Her. Strolling confidently into the room (as if she owned the place), she languidly sat down in her usual seat, looking coolly at the AI. GLaDOS was familiar with this routine; the human would soon leave to explore the facility, venture into old Aperture, or find some Aperture branded Reheatable Nutrient Packages. But a lot of her day was spent, for better or for worse, with the irritable computer.

Managing an uncaring expression with her surprisingly expressive faceplate, the AI glared back, making some half-heartedly jive comment about the human’s weight, or lack of friends, or her murderous disposition. She couldn’t really believe that anymore. Not that she’d ever admit it. You know how it goes when you give a human an inch. Despite their history, there was something about the woman that GLaDOS… admired. No, not admired. Definitely not. Respected in a test subject for the pursuit of science. Yes, that sounded much better. Purely scientific. Just how she liked it. And in the name of science, GLaDOS could admit that the human had a decent physical form… for testing. She also, despite the violent ramifications, liked how the former test-subject was unbreakable -- seemingly unfazed by everything thrown her way. Again, all for scientific reasons. And when the woman smiled, like she was doing now, the robot had to admit that it was a good look on her… for testing. Of course. And the way she looked at --

_> WARNING: CPU Core temps exceed 100° C. _

Right. There’s a problem to be solved, and she didn't have time to be distracted by the human. Not that the human was distracting. Refocusing her eye on the former test subject, she adopted an utterly indifferent tone. It was almost convincing.

“I’m sure you have better things to do than sit around in here, grinning like an idiot”.

The idiot in question said nothing, of course, but seemed to smile wider at this, a laugh clearly twinkling in her eyes.

“I’m not sure what sort of pleasure you get out of tormenting me like this, but no one else finds this as funny as you do. I can prove that, by the way”.

Raising an eyebrow, Chell leaned back in her office chair (that GLaDOS had placed in the room for her after noticing how uncomfortable she looked standing, although she’d never admit it), and closed her eyes. Normally, GLaDOS may have been annoyed by a human acting this relaxed around her, but this was different. She was different.

Promptly cutting herself off from this line of thinking, the robot resigned herself to the fact that Chell wasn’t going anywhere, seemingly content to sit and listen to the robotic hums coming from the massive construct. Again, something stirred inside GLaDOS about the… closeness of this action, but it was quickly brushed off as another inexplicable thing about her resident mute lunatic.

_> WARNING: CPU Core temps exceed 100° C. _

If only she could figure out what was causing that.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review; I like to know the relative quality of my work.  
> I'm not sure when the next chapter is happening, but hey I'll try my best.
> 
> Also, this story does NOT take place during 1970. There's no set time for when Portal 2 happens, so I just had the computer error out at the date, and reset to the Unix Epoch time. The Unix Epoch time is a real thing, and it's actually pretty interesting (if you're at all interested in computer science). It's a running counter of seconds elapsed since January 1, 1970, and it's how programmers store and do math on dates/times. Most people probably already know about this, I just thought it was interesting enough to include.
> 
> As of writing this, the current Unix Epoch Time is 1581662824.


End file.
